Sunday, March 07, 2010

Finals

So I took my last Curtis audition and it went well, I ended up playing some repertoire that was NOT on my list.. lol it went alright I guess. The committee got me confused with another Kathryn and I ended up playing Scheherazade. I was only listed for Bolero and Figaro- so I hope they realized that it was unprepared at some point. XD

Absolute craziness.

It feels sooo good to be done. I was really really stressed but now I feel like a new person. I won’t find out the outcome until April, I wish I could know now! So much drama! ehhhh!!
I’m on the train right now. It’s supposed to go for 7 and an half hours! Bleah!! Whatever. I’m seated next to a nice lady, I’ve learned my lesson and I make it a rule not to sit next to men. This automatically rules out the perv factor that I so often have to deal with when I travel. As Daniel says “Katie you don’t have common sense, you have uncommon sense” which is true, but I’m learning to have common sense.

Everyone has been so helpful and supportive throughout this entire audition process, I just want to say thank you to my parents, my sister, Valentin, Luke, Andre, Seth, Alex Z., Jeff, Daniel, Conrad, Amanda, The Harts, and Lisa Ryken. You guys have been so helpful and supportive, I really appreciate it. I couldn’t have survived without you.

So sadly enough, I did not get to try the famous Philly Cheesesteak. But I did get to try the s’mores from Cosis. It was too much sugar for one person, but it was gooood and super fun to toast the marshmallows over the fire gel stuff.
Probably the best part of this whole experience, besides all the audition stuff, was living on my own, pets included, for a few days in a busy city. It was quite fun. I didn’t enjoy the constant solace, but it was still fun. :)
Also, I avoided all pervs on this trip and managed to survive quite well on my own without loosing life or limb. There was the incident with the doorman, but it could have been worse.
Only 3 more hours till we’re done. I wish it didn’t have to be such a long ride. But it had to be the train because I am poor and cannot take plane rides to places as close at PA. lol
I couldn’t wait to get out of Rochester, but now I will be grateful to get back and have food and my own bed to sleep in. I do the 4 inches of memory foam topping for my bed, and I strongly recommend it for anyone who has trouble sleeping. It’s the most comfortable thing ever, and the hardest part is getting up in the morning.

So I heard the most interesting sermon this morning. Usually in protestant circles we’re quiet, mild, understated people. We avoid controversial subjects and refer to the weather when in doubt of what to say. We never talk about things like sex in public settings. It’s just too awkward. The sermon today was about sexuality and I was gratified to hear strong AMENs from the congregation as the minister spoke. The people were listening and engaged, not trying to awkwardly tune out the minister. Have studied at Eastman I have encountered a variety of sexual sins that people struggle with (or not). It’s a plague and I think that part of the reason for this is that it can be an awkward topic to address, people don’t talk about it and the problem just gets worse. The minister pointed out how we as a culture have been driven crazy by sexuality. We no longer see it at the expression of committed love between a man and his wife, we see it as something that we can take into our own hands as some sort of play toy. It’s not serious, it’s just something pleasurable. Then why is there so much negativity, angst, depression, and pain when sex is abused? It doesn’t make sense and people don’t want it to make sense because when you think about it, right and wrong becomes clear. It’s not about what you want sometimes, it’s about doing what is wisest, about protecting yourself emotionally and physically. People are extremely vulnerable and don’t always realize it. The only way to protect yourself is to run the other direction. If you walk to the edge of a cliff and stare over the edge, what is the likely outcome?? Ok so you might not fall over, but what is the sense in putting yourself in that situation?It’s seriously not worth it. Yeah, sex used wrongly is NOT worth it. That’s coming from a 20 year old.
I would even go so far as to say that sex outside of loving committed marriage is not worth it. It certainly shouldn’t be about how attractive or “sexy” someone is. We’ve gotten so obsessed over this idea of “sexy” that we have people inserting plastic into their bodies and literally going nuts over this stuff. Girls become anorexic because they are obsessed with a certain ideal which is supposed to be “sexy.”
What is “sexy” really? It’s objectifying people. It’s seeing people as function of sex and not seeing sex as function of people. We are sexual, meaning capable of sex, but that is not who we are and does not define us at all.
Why am I talking about such a topic on a public blog? Because I’m tired of sex being hush hush. More people should address this topic. People are hurting and sometimes you need to say something.
The thing that helped me most is when pastor pointed out that we are not our own, sex is not something we get to decide to explore on our own terms. That is not what we were created to do and that’s why it hurts when we deviate from used rightly. The question to ask ourselves, even when our minds are consumed with sexual thoughts is “is this glorifying to God?” if you can’t say yes, then remove the temptation before you if there is temptation, or think about something else. If you have trouble, try praying. :)

ok now I’m done. That was tough and embarrassing, but that’s because I’m a female WASP. lol

So dinosaurs... just kidding. I need to stop, I’ll get tendonitis if I keep this up.

laterz.

btw
every time I travel, I get an opportunity to talk to other passengers, and it’s usually enlightening. I learn so much, just by bouncing ideas and pondering them. If I’m lucky I’ll get to sit next to someone who is older and more experienced than I. This means that I learn even more and can get some perspective (the most expensive commodity on the modern market) and I grow from it. This makes taking the train totally worth while.

2 comments:

Michael Spotts: . said...

Some well stated and helpful perspectives here. Coming from the guy who runs "the open life," your candor is appreciated.

"What is “sexy” really? It’s objectifying people. It’s seeing people as function of sex and not seeing sex as function of people. We are sexual, meaning capable of sex, but that is not who we are and does not define us at all."

K. Clark said...

Hey Michael! Thanks for your comment, I love reading your blog and have stolen many many articles/comments for my bible study's facebook wall. I feel honored that you enjoyed reading one of my posts. When I come back to CA I think we should be good friends. haha