Friday, February 11, 2011

Little things?

Life is so unpredictable. Earlier today I had made plans to go to the grocery store. I planned to pick up some basic food items, including some oatmeal. On the way to the grocery store I decided that it would be yummy to add apples to the mix and have apple oatmeal. That was plan change number one. It was small and insignificant, but aren't all decisions that way? I then planned to cook the apple oatmeal and store it away for the rest of the week, which was fun.

-I'm in the process of reading the book of Mormon, and related articles. It is an interesting experience.

-I then crashed for a nap around 5 and got up at 6:30pm still feeling exhausted from an unproductive night previous where I was haunted by nightmares and sleepless from 4-5am due to intense cold. There isn't too much heat in my building...
But after napping, I dragged myself out of bed and went to this brief lecture/Q&A about premarital sex and marriage. I learned that the rate by which marriage has been happening is decreasing rather than increasing with population growth. We discussed reasons why that may be, and specifically how difficult it is for christian (chaste) women to get married. There was a lot of panic going on it seemed and proliferous wringing of hands with little to show for it.
My attitude is that if God has decided that you will be married, it will happen and there is no use worrying about it. Not that I'm a fatalist, I just don't get the wringing of hands and wailing. Maybe because I'm cool with the idea of being single.

-Then I got a call from Leah who invited me to hang with a bunch of musicians that evening. So much for homework.
On the way back home we decided to crash the mormon dance party, it was fabtastic. Everyone was wearing pink at this dance, and though I had not planned it, I too was wearing pink. It worked out well and I had fun getting sweaty with the mormons.

I'm in this weird place mentally, it think it's called "transitioning" but I would not be an expert. Things are always in flux.
I find myself dipping my toes into waters of different temperatures, which is progress for someone with such a feline attitude towards water. It does however create a whole new set of problems.
A new concept that I've been dealing with is the idea of "being true to one's self" ..most of the time I know what I want and I find a way to get it. Being unable to get what I want ironically brings uncertainty of what I want and it is tortuous. I make it a point and quite literally every effort to make things work out. If they can't it drives me crazy.
However, backtracking somewhat, I have recently questioned if I know what I really want. I'm trying to be objective and see things from a more "obvious" kind of view. This involves stepping back and coldly analyzing facts. It can be helpful. Not always but usually. Transition points aren't always fun I'm guessing. But up until now, I have been seeing things in a very binary sort of way, until I realized that binary is bogus. Just because you can't see a 3rd or 4th (or more) options, doesn't mean that they don't exist. I'm starting to see more, and it's like a tidal wave.

Ok ok bassoon stuff. I love UT and Ms. Jensen. My studio is incredible, but y'all knew that. The Capitol Quartet, comprised of some studio mates, has applied for a grant to go to Houston and study with some of the best bassoonists evAr over spring break. We'll see how that turns out. I'm learning 5 sacred trees which is a bassoon concerto originally written for Judy LeClair. My teacher Valentin also played it and I have memorized every second of that recording. It is golden. But strangely enough I have never heard Judy's rendition. I need to do that before I perform it. haha My placement audition went a lot better this semester, I placed into the top orchestra on principle for Tchaik's Romeo and Juliet.

Somewhat unrelated (but not really), I would like to point out that part of creativity is realizing that hitting bumps and being wrong on occasion is actually good for you. It can show you what not to do. This is called process of elimination, and usually how I live my life. haha
But it is also how creativity is born, Picasso didn't get every painting "right."
Like every one hit wonder there are several duds that go with it, until they find that one recording. Most of us are too scared to make the mistakes necessary to find the right answers, but there is no respect or honor in being too scared to move. I learned this from dancing, and strangely it applies to most everything. It's funny how little things really are everything. It's the difference between reality and perception... another concept I'm learning from music.

This blog is getting out of control and needs to be raked in. I don't know how I turned a bassoon blog into philosophical steam, but I did. In future there will be more bassoon stuff. For example: click here for bassoon things!

This is Ms. Jensen's website, it's totally free and it's a great learning tool. There are few people I would trust more than Ms. Jensen to guide a young bassoonist to creating healthy expectations and practice habits. So, check it out if you haven't, it's hot stuff with tons of fun activities. Totally awesome in this cyber world we live in.

Peace and love!

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